I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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