its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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