fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i dont even know how to be here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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