wat bout pragnant strippers??
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
