also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
