I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
