i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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