so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
