its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
