The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
