Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
