Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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