I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
