Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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