Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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