He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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