you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
