You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
