Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
