So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
