I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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