Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
