haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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