She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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