Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
