so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
