We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
