I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
