do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
