we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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