She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
