if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
