I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
