Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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