Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
