I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
