Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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