What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
