Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
