I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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