dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
