When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
