i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
