Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
