Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
