I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
