I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
