People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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