i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize