sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
smell my finger.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
