I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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