Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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