He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
