This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
