In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
