I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
