She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
