the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
