why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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