you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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