i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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