For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
