A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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