I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
did i just pee glitter
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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