i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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