Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
