MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
