When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
