have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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