I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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