Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
