I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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