Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
