is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
