Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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