I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I could make wine with my vomit
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
