1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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